Rough Days

Warning:  This post contains the venting of a hormone crazed, sleep deprived mother, that now has four children ages six and under.

I'm having one of those motherhood days where I haven't slept in a couple of days due to a sick one week old and I'm dealing with kids that seem to have it out for me.  They are coughing, sneezing, and wiping their runny noses all over the tables, couches, their clothes, blankets, and basically any other surface available to them.  They don't listen to a single thing I ask or tell them to do or not do. They fight with each other or me non stop and every time Scotland finally falls asleep, they wake her, either by screaming and yelling or coming up and messing with her.

I'm trying to be patient.  I'm hormonal and exhausted, and they are going through big changes with a new sister.  I could probably handle the arguing and fighting, the not listening, and even their messes though if it weren't for the germs and illness.  I know that God never gives us more than we can handle but right now, I'm struggling.  I'm dealing with so much stress on top of all of it.  Shawn is about to start traveling again for work in about two weeks, or so I'm told.  I have to figure out soccer and dance for the kids while he's gone and hope he doesn't miss daddy daughter dance practice after he told me to go ahead and sign them up.  Ben has a music performance and school carnival, and Sydney has dance pictures on top of all of the regular crazy schedule things.  We have a trip for a wedding in a month-ish, out of state.  I need to do paperwork for the baby's insurance and birth certificate, as well as pick up birth certificates for all of the girls.  Scotland was supposed to get her pictures taken at the hospital, but the photography company never showed up and so now we have to figure out newborn pictures.  Don't worry, I still haven't forgiven myself for being unable to order Sydney's from when she was born due to issues with missing paperwork.

I'm feeling really emotional about Ben finishing kindergarten.  I'm going to miss all the fun parties and rewards he got with his class this year and I'll miss his teacher.  I don't do change well and the hormones aren't helping.  Sitting here at the kitchen table, I'm staring at the belt I made for his animated alphabet costume party at school and crying like a baby.  It really hit me today when I received an email from his teacher talking about how many sight words they need to know to get an S on their grade card and I realized that she has gone above and beyond to make sure that every kid in that class could learn what they need to know.

We are all living piled on top of each other.  There is not enough room in this house for our family of 6 and all that we come with, but we have to make due.  We love our landlord and she has no other available properties.  We don't want to move around again, because we need something in Ben's school area, and are hoping to eventually, sooner rather than later, buy a house big enough to hold us and for our kids to grow older.

Surely if I get some sleep and wake up to a magically clean house, then I'll be better, and less emotional.  For right now, though, I'm a teary eyed, snotty mess sitting at the kitchen table, ignoring the fact that my kids aren't cleaning their room, because they are getting along and playing as far away from the sleeping baby as you can get in our little home.  I'm grasping for my sanity, nursing a headache, and trying to be the best mom and wife I can.

Alright, the venting is over... for now.  Shawn will be home from softball in the next twenty minutes or so (I hope) and dinner will be coming out of the oven in the next five to ten.  Ben has plenty of homework to do before bed tonight, and I'm hoping we can all get some much needed sleep at some point tonight.


Mindy Gauthier said…
oh boy! I hope things got better in the last few days - found your link over at Diary of a Stay at Home Mom a few weeks ago - congratulations on the new baby girl! It's all going to be ok, it's never easy bringing a new baby home, but you will find your groove :)
Take Care,
Liz said…
Thank you very much. I'm doing much better. It's amazing what a little sleep will do for your well being.

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