An Awful, Awful Day

Do you ever have days where everything comes tumbling down all at once?  That was today for me.  I guess it started last night, really...

(This is a big ranting post, just so you know ahead of time...)

Last night, Shawn and I were doing laundry, packing his suitcase and picking up the house from the whirlwind weekend.  We were also watching Game Of Thrones.  That show is absolutely addictive and we were almost to the end of the season so we went ahead and finished it.  At about 2:00 we were ready for Bed.  I was changing Rylie's diaper on the bed on her changing pad.  She pee'd and it ran off the pad, all over the top sheet and comforter.  I got up and stripped the wet blankets off of the bed, cleaned Rylie up and got her new pjs and diaper on.  We were just laying back down when Ben came walking into the bedroom.  We got him laying down on the floor and almost asleep when Sydney came in.  We got several blankets (for us on the bed and the kids on the floor) and by the time we finally got laid down, it was a little after 3.

Shawn had an early flight this morning and we live 45 minutes to an hour from the airport so he had to leave at about 6:30.  This had me awake while he was getting up and out of the house.  The kids were up at 7:30 and that's all she wrote.  I was done sleeping and not thrilled about it, but that's the life of a parent.

As the day went on, we went to the grocery store.  Sydney threw tantrums through most of the store and at some point lost her Ninny (pacifier) and it was the last one I knew where it was.  We ended up having to buy a whole new package, after already having checked out.  As I'm paying for the new Ninnies, I turn around and Sydney is eating M&Ms we have not purchased.  I paid for them with change, shoved them in the diaper bag and off we went.  The second we stepped into the parking lot, a ton of stuff fell off the cart onto the pavement. I got it all cleaned up but was so ready to just get home.

Sydney has decided that she's now a biter.  Well only towards Rylie.  Everytime I turn around, even if for literally two seconds, she bites her.  Sydney has been severely punished each time, but poor Rylie still has the marks, and I can't help but feel like I've failed at keeping my baby safe.  The last time it happened, tonight, I lost my temper and told Sydney that if she didn't stop, we were going to have to send her away, somewhere that they could help her quit being so mean.  I regretted it the second the words came out of my mouth and told her that I didn't mean it, but now I hate myself.  I've never really done that before... lost my temper like that.  I just feel awful.

Tomorrow is four years since my Dad died.

I think about him all the time.  I miss him every day.  Certain days are especially hard, like the anniversary of his death (anniversary seems like the wrong word since that should be a happy word not one you reference to a death date), his birthday, Father's day, and the big holidays.  Usually I'm surrounded by my support system, mainly my wonderful husband who is my rock and just being near him make me feel stronger.  Well, Shawn is in Atlanta until Thursday and I'm here to deal with the grief without him.  It's not been going well today.  This evening was the worst.  I've been crying a lot.

Finally, I got myself involved in drama on Facebook that didn't involve me.  I usually can control myself and stay out of it, but with the rest of the day weighing on my shoulders, and the things that were being said about someone that I care about... I couldn't, not say something.  I hope that makes sense.  I don't believe I said anything that made me look bad or that I'll regret later, but I just can't handle people being so mean.  I just feel bad for her, because family should be supportive, not bring others down.

Ok, I think I'm done with my rant.  I'm eating some candy and enjoying some mint limeade before bed.

It was supposed to be an early night, but seeing as it's 12:23, that ship has sailed.  Hopefully I'll get some sleep soon.


Anonymous said…
I love you so much Lizzie. This whole thing made me cry. Especially that picture of your dad. He means so much to me just like the rest of you guys do. I know its hard but you will get through this... we all will together. You are a great mom and your babies are amazing. Keep your head up. We've been family since before I can remember && I know we don't talk much but I will always be here. I love you <3 I'm here if you need me.
Liz said…
Aww Thank you so much. I just don't know who this is...

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